Today, we should have celebrated Caitlin’s 33rd birthday. I often wonder, as the Kenny Chesney (that’s right, I like both kinds of music, Country and Western) song says “Who You’d Be Today”. As I wrote last year on the old site, our family looks to commit Random Acts of Kindness to honor her memory. That helps with the day, it truly does. And, of course, it’s always a good idea to be kind, but it just feels like the right way to honor such an amazing young woman, taken from us too soon.
The anger from that time, I think it is safe to say, has finally gone. It took probably longer than it should have, and I don’t know, maybe not speaking about the events of that day (and the weeks, months, and years that followed it) regularly at Victim Impact Panels has finally allowed it to leave me once and for all. I don’t know if that’s it, but that’s just the first thing that popped in my head as I realized I didn’t feel the rage (probably too strong a word but whatevs) rising in me.
The old saying goes; time heals all wounds. But the truth, as Rose Kennedy said is more along these lines “It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” As the matriarch of the Kennedy clan, she knew a thing or two about grieving, so I give her words a lot of weight. She was right.
Back to the opening paragraph; I wonder how our lives would be different had Caitlin lived. I think I’ve mentioned here before, I keep in touch with some of her bff’s and now, fifteen years removed from the crash, they all have their own places in the world, many are married and some have children of their own.
Would Caitlin?
Even though Diane had an underlying and undiscovered cardiac issue, would she still be alive today? I’ve always believed the stress from Caitlin’s death was a key contributing factor to her death. And that without the loss of her youngest child, she would still be with us. I think, from time-to-time, of how over the moon Diane would be with all of the grandkids. How excited she would be (and how vocal, lol) at the Heir To The Throne’s baseball games, how fascinated she would be by the Boy Genius’ science and computer projects, how she would be enthralled by the former Beatle Baby’s knowledge of all things Skylander, and how absolutely giddy she would be organizing a shopping trip for the Reigning Princess and the Little Diamond.
I have a feeling I would have had to put off my retirement to bankroll those shopping trips, lol. And there’s a really good chance I wouldn’t be in central North Carolina now. My feeling is that she would have vetoed being that far away from the littles. Although she did love summer and summer here is so much more, uhhh, summer-y.
This week (this month, actually) tends to bring up thoughts such as these. In addition to it being Caitlin’s birthday today, my Dad’s would have been the 6th, and the Oldest One’s is tomorrow. And the 12th is the anniversary of Diane and I getting married. So, yeah, my mind tends to wander in this direction this week more than any other. And doing something along the lines of a RAoK helps me to keep my emotional shit together.
So, here’s my suggestion. Actually I guess it’s more of a request. Go out today and commit a Random Act of Kindness. If you choose to do it anonymously, that’s cool. If you choose to explain that you’re doing it in the memory of an amazing young woman, that’s cool too. But if you do it, please come back here and leave a note, either on the social media that brought you here or in the comments section below, and let everyone know what you did and if you had any interaction with the recipient, what was their response. i.e. last year, I pre-payed for a bunch of people at the coffeehouse I used to frequent. One of the regulars, a man I’d often seen but never spoken to, got a free coffee. The barista told him why and pointed me out, so he came over to thank me and to ask about Caitlin. It was a pretty cool moment.
Also, if you’re so inclined, please feel free to share this however you like. The world, imho, can always use a little more kindness, and maybe by spreading the word, more good things will happen. It’s worth a shot.
Lastly, I leave you with this. These two happy mugs. 
Another example of pre-cellphone camera selfie to put a little smile on your face. I’ll always remember the joy they shared, and that which they spread. Like I said last time; love the ones you’re with and live each moment as if it were your last. Now go be kind to someone, please.
Peace
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